This is a for-fun post written in response to this article that a friend of mine shared on Facebook last year. I first read this list last September, and and I was struck by the honesty with which this writer reflected on their own experiences. So that was the day when I started composing my own list of thirty things I have learned. These things aren't restricted to my time in Benin. More just life in general, although I've been slowly writing it over my time here.
Part of me felt intimidated to post this list, and at first I couldn't figure out why. But in all honesty it's because many of these items are things I'm still learning. So this list is also a good reminder for me to be thankful to God for his grace when I leap before I think. The good news: grace is free to all us humans who are not yet perfect (hi everyone). I've been learning to give grace to myself, too. All that to say I hope this doesn't come off as Kate trying to impart wisdom from a pedestal. Quite the contrary, it seems like many of these items started out as mental notes I made when I knew I had screwed up bigtime and wanted to avoid making the same mistake twice! So maybe a better title for this post would be "Thirty Thing I'm Still Learning"? I've included links to blog posts and articles I've enjoyed where relevant. Enjoy and be blessed!
- People are more important than things. Invest in people.
How are my values reflected in the way I prioritize my energy? I have this bad habit of getting wrapped up in tasks and objectives and totally forgetting about the people around me. I need to be deliberate about where I invest my energy, because I hope the people I love will hang around a lot longer than the things I surround myself with or the tasks I complete. - God has a plan.
A friend of mine told me once about how she felt God asking her to trust him. He said, "I HAVE THE MAP. CALM DOWN." It seems God has a way of placing us where we are supposed to be, and his choices are not arbitrary. Instead of rejecting and running from a situation that I find unfavorable, I hope I will pause to wonder at God's reasoning, considering that he could have a very sensible reason for leading me through a desert. - Complaining isn't constructive.
Sometimes speaking up about a negative situation can be helpful. Sometimes a hard situation makes for an entertaining story later on. But if I'm spouting negative thoughts just to be heard by people who I don't expect to help, and and intend to do exactly nothing to improve the situation, I am complaining. - That being said, learn to ask for help.
Sometimes I do this thing where I refuse to ask for help and then think I'm helpless. I too-frequently forget that other people can't read my mind, and then wonder why those people haven't figured out what I need from them. I also used to think I was loving people by not bothering them with my problems. Pretty silly, huh? Asking can be intimidating and humbling, but that's also part of the reason why God made multiple humans and gave me a voice. Dependence is a powerful community builder. Now I've learned that a timely request for help can actually deepen important relationships my building trust--my trust in that person to respond positively, and their trust in me to be honest about my needs. - A little exercise is better than no exercise.
Even a 10-minute run outside will make me feel worlds better than staying in one place and wishing I had done something all day. - Remain calm.
Unless someone can think of a situation where freaking out is the best response? - Attitude makes a huge difference.
As Charles Swindoll wrote, life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. A good attitude is contagious. A bad attitude can also be contagious. My choice of attitude is entirely up to me. Wouldn't it be cool if more people realized how much power they had to influence others just through the attitude they project? In the words of my friend Katrina, "Today I don't really feel that great, but at least I still have arms!" Counting blessings instead of problems is a sure way to improve my attitude. - Be kind to your waiter/waitress.
For many people who have never done any kind of food service, it is difficult to fathom the amount of details and tasks these people are juggling at any given moment--But you don't have to know that in order to treat them decently. The summer when I worked for a catering company, I will never forget a certain guest at a wedding banquet who read my name tag, addressed me by my name the entire night, and thanked me every time I so much as refilled their water glass. Although these were small gestures, I felt so uplifted and blessed by their kindness! - People root for you more than you know.
And you better believe you're worth it. - A smile can go a long way.
Guess what. Some days, Kate wakes up not feeling quite ready to face the world with a cheerful smile. If you know someone who does that every day, I'd like to meet them. But finding a reason to smile, or just smiling for no reason at all, can actually improve your mood! Google it sometime, it's totally a thing.
Now let's talk about smiling while we're in public. Did the barista at Starbucks kick your dog? No? Then we can smile when we talk to them. And the one who smiles is secretly motivating everyone around them to smile too. It's like mind control. Pretty cool! - Give yourself more credit.
You are capable of more than you think. - Pay attention to your words.
There's an Eddie Murphy movie about a man who only has 1000 words left to say, and after he has used up all his words, he will die. To make this less morbid, I'll say this instead: what would I do differently if you only had 200 words to last me the whole day? Would I still gossip? Would I still make so much small talk? It's not that I want everyone to talk less, but this thought challenges me to make my words matter more. If my words are reflect the overflow of what's in my heart, what are my words saying about my heart? If I spend my conversations talking about petty things that aren't honest or helpful, who will take me seriously the 1% of the time when I want to say something true and important? - With friends, the little things count a lot.
One time my friend decided to get me a coconut at the grocery store. Why? Because they saw it and it made them think of me. I felt loved. I feel like I'm often guilty of overlooking random opportunities to let my friends know I appreciate and care for them. - Let silence happen.
It's only awkward if you make it awkward. - Journal.
Even if I don't know what difference it will make, I am usually surprised. That's why writing in my journal is part of my daily routine. Journaling is a great way to keep track of both small and big moments that might otherwise get swept away with the day. For me personally, it's also a really good way to remember and look back on different chapters of my faith that I've already been through. - Pictures can't replace being in the moment.
But don't get me wrong, there is also something to be said for taking the time to represent a place or event in a photograph. Working to capture a photo makes you pay attention differently, and I think that is also valuable. - God is not a vending machine.
With vending machines, it's all pretty straightforward. I put a dollar in, and my cheez-its come out. Sometimes I catch myself believing that God functions in much the same way, fulfilling my wants in exchange for good behavior. I've seen too many Christians (myself included) getting swept away with the idea that if we are just good enough, and pray enough and in the right way, and keep our permanent record spotless, we have the formula for a perfect and blameless life, and then good things will automatically follow. Don't get me wrong, God knows how to give good gifts to his children (Matt. 7:11), but this can quickly ooze into the belief we somehow earn these gifts, and that when we are "good", God somehow owes us a long and healthy life, a spouse, a car, or anything else we might desire on a whim.
We cannot understand God, as Donald Miller puts it, any more than a pancake understands the person that made it. A vending machine is pretty straightforward, but God's motives and intentions are mysterious to us, so "expecting" anything from God is kind of ridiculous when you think about it. - You will never have everything you want.
Realizing this is essential if you want to find honest contentment. That there is something missing is a sign that we weren't made for this earth. - Learn to give a real apology.
Being able to admit you were wrong without hesitation and without making excuses is very liberating. It's amazing how a little humility can sooth damaged emotions.
(Interestingly, I learned recently that people can have different "apology languages". Gary Chapman, the author of The Five Love Languages, also writes about the five apology languages) - Always bring a nail clippers.
I'm convinced that there is a certain level of hell where you always have a hang nail and never have a nail clippers. Before it comes to that, I'll be prepared. - Growing up just happens. There is no "pause" or "fast forward".
This can go both ways. Sometimes you never want to grow up, because going to your first job interview sounds worse than summersaulting over a bed of hot coals and why can't I just stay in bed all day and watch cat videos instead? It's funny because you know exactly what I'm talking about.
And then sometimes you wish you could grow up overnight, à la "13 Going on 30". I've sometimes caught myself wondering why I can't process stress as serenely as my parents can, why some things have the power to turn my world on its head while people with more life experience can maneuver through the same obstacles with the grace of Michelle Kwan. Why? Because they've lived longer. - You'll find what you're looking for.
What I mean by this is that if you're looking for reasons to be cranky and negative, you'll find plenty. But if you're looking to count the blessings around you, there are plenty of those, too. This is one area where I am constantly having to remind myself to shape up. - You have more adventures when you realize you're not above sleeping on a couch once in a while.
Or the floor. Or the ground... *cough, cough* Minnesota Boundary Waters.. On a related note, I feel like being a coffee snob is not worth the trouble. - Picky eating is literally one of the worst habits.
For heaven's sake, just eat it. (Note: Don't hurt yourself here. The "just eat it" policy does not apply in the case of food allergies or if your dinner hosts in a West African nation that shall remain unnamed have filled your stomach to capacity and still insist that you haven't eaten nearly enough. In the latter case, you're on your own, but sweet-talking is a promising option.) - Be honest with yourself.
This requires me to get to know myself and learn to love the person I am. It means not wishing or pretending to have extra qualities I wish I possessed, and not ignoring my faults. When I'm feeling particularly introspective, I might step back and observe my thoughts, actions, reactions, and emotions as an objective learner. If I can manage to do this, I can better understand myself and not balk in horror at what I might find (because, believe it or not, it isn't all good). Honesty with myself has to come first if I want to be honest with other people. - Stop with the excuses.
I catch myself making excuses all the time. But my excuses are often used to justify myself for acting in a way that I don't admire, or for not acting when I should have. Instead of owning up to those uncomfortable facts, I divert the attention by throwing an excuse in the way. But I find that when I'm honest with myself and hold myself accountable for actions, underneath that pile of excuses was hiding a more responsible person! - If no one is available to serve you some humble pie, it's perfectly acceptable to help yourself.
And it's a little less embarrassing that way. - Do at least one scary thing every day.
This one should have its own blog post (maybe it will in the future). It's perhaps the best piece of travel advice I've ever heard, and I discovered it when a friend I met in France posted this article on his Facebook page. (Recommended for anyone spending time abroad!) In Benin, this one scary thing might look like going to the market and negotiating assertively, exploring a new part of town, trying a new food (no matter how grey and shapeless), or it might be as simple as asking my host sister a deep question, preparing an American breakfast for my family, or following God's nudge to go and pray with a co-worker. Something that jolts me out of my everyday routine and forces me to think
But why shouldn't this apply to life back home as well? What would that look like? Starting that important conversation, volunteering for something new, going rock-climbing... the possibilities are endless! - It's okay to take care of yourself.
A lot of people feel obligated to put others first (not in itself a bad thing), but when this principle is taken too far, self-maintenance is in danger of falling by the wayside (which is a bad thing). But not listening to my body and my emotions when they need to rest and recharge is immature on so many levels. It means I think I can fool everyone into thinking I'm some kind of hyper-productive cyborg when in reality I'm only halfway functional. God gave us limits to remind us of our dependence on Him. I've learned that things go much better for me when I respect those limits. - You're allowed to have bad days.
It's okay to gaff it and face plant and trip up the stairs. And you're allowed to be angry, sad, confused, and frustrated. Negative emotions are just part of this whole "life" deal, and "the only way through them is through" (I put that in quotation marks because I can't take credit for it. I read it on a post somewhere, and if I find it again I'll put the link here!). Sometimes the only for me to move past and have closure after a negative experience is to think about what I learned and try to keep from digging myself into the same hole.
Have an interesting jewel of life-wisdom to share? I'm still in the market! Feel free to share in the comments. I love hearing from you!
